McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
