Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Life is so much better after having sex.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
