Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
