She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
