I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
