I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
