I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
