Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
