She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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