They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
