I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
