Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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