my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
