i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
