even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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