to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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