the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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