so that wasnt chicken after all
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I would ride that face into the sunset
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
