I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
