dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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