I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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