he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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