Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
