@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
