In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
