I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
