I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
