I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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