Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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