We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
