sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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