What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
