Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
