SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
