In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
