im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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