3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
