Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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