Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
