I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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