Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Houston, we have a squirter
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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