You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Are we still banned from the library?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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