Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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