3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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