In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
