Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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