This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
