I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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