one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we're making bets on your personal life
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
