woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
