Kiss
Puke
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
