peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
