ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
where are you?
Hypothermia
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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