Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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