I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
