Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
