Best friends brother. Beat that.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
